The Guardian V The Sun

I recently saw the Guardian Ad by agency BBH. It centered around the 3 little pigs fairy tale and  I can honestly say I love it! It takes a fairy tale we all know and looks at real life issues. Have a look at it here, if you haven’t already seen it.

Then I had a little look at all the spoof ones flying about (a great sign of a good video) and saw one for The Sun….

 

Did School Really Prepare Me For Work?

I’ve realised that if I were to go back to Year 11 and try to resit my GCSE exams, I would most probably fail.  So I started to think, did school really prepare me for work or did it just teach me to learn pointless facts only to regurgitate it during an exam or in coursework?

I came up with a little list of things which I either have no idea about anymore (maybe never did) or things learnt which were totally pointless.

  1. What the Sin, Cos or Tan buttons are for on a scientific calculator. Call me crazy but after my GCSE maths exam I never needed to use these buttons again, im not a mathmagician nor do I strive to ever be one.  I can’t even remember the last time I used a scientific calculator. The calculator on my phone has all the buttons I’ll ever need: divide, addition, subtract and multiply….all the buttons the average adult will ever need.
  2. What colours mix together to make what. Art was never my strong point. I’ll hold my hands up and say I never really took it seriously, but come on….it was art, I don’t think most people did. If I want my wall to be dark green, I’m going to buy the dark green paint. None of this mixing malarkey to save myself 50p.
  3. How to play an instrument. Aww the joys of going to a school where 1-between-2 was a regular occurrence. Between a shared keyboard with pre-installed songs and singing songs my music teacher had created (talk about ego boost), the lessons were a massive waste of time. I didn’t find a love for playing the triangle or tambourine nor was I a good enough singer to ever have a singing solo.
  4. Physics formulas. I remember trying to cram all the formulas into my head just before physics exams. I can safely say, no one (as of yet) has come up to me and asked when a train would reach Manchester Piccadilly if it as travelling from London Euston in a steady speed of 20mph with two 10 minute stops. This is a bit annoying, as the only formula which I seem to remember is speed equals distance over time. *sigh*
  5. Different types of wood. Who even cares about the different types of wood? Ikea do it all now.
  6. The sexist textile lessons were as useful and the food technology lessons. I believe I was not meant to be a seamstress nor a Michelin star cook. I can sew the odd button and can cook the hell out of a potato but past that it gets abit…misty.
  7. The life cycle of a moth/whale/bat or some other random animal. With the whole missing bee issue we’ve been having, you would think this sort of information would be important, but nope, can’t remember anything.

Instead schools should teach:

  1. How to talk like you know what you’re saying.
  2. Ways to look like your working, when you’re not.
  3. Playing the blame game.
  4. How to lie.
  5. Things not to say to your boss/co workers/CEO.
  6. How to hide a hangover at work.
  7. The acceptable level of drunkenness on a work night out.

My (Belated) New Years Resolutions

It has been a little while since I last made a blog post…my bad! Thought I would share my New Years Resolutions.

  1. Be able to wear the same size clothes I did at the end university – This means PUTTING THE FORK DOWN and actually hitting the gym.
  2. Actually sticking to all these calorie counter programmes, not just mess with the numbers if I don’t like what they are saying.
  3. Trap Find a good bloke suitable of bf title – Male MUST have his own teeth, a job,driving license and have not served time under her majesties pleasure.
  4. Ring T-Mobile and change my contract – This doesn’t seem like a big one…but I’ve been putting it of for months, just letting the stupid network rip me off, highway
  5. Wear heels at least once a week – By spring, I should be good enough to walk without looking like I’ve got something stuffed up their.
  6. Learn to drive – Cancelled trains and busses brings out the crazy in people….me included.
  7. Start and finish the 30 EA Active challenge in 30 ACTUAL calendar days – 5th time is the charm!
  8. Book/plan a holiday to remember – fingers crossed I win the Euromillions and can go to Japan, Thailand, Australia, South Africa and the US.
  9. Drink wine like its juice  and Vodka orange like its water and regret nothing the following morning…unless it involves flashing….oh lord please let there be no flashing.

9 seems like a bit of a random number to end on… oh well, maybe I’ll be able to keep to all 9 this way! Wish my luck.

What Is Wrong With TV – Reality Shows!

There has been a recent boom in crappy reality TV shows recently, ‘Made in Chelsea’, ‘The Only Way is Essex’, ‘Desperate Scousewives’…i’m sure there are more that I have just decided to block out. I don’t have an issue with cameras following  interesting people who are actually doing things that the public should know about but the mind numbing stuff on C4, E4 and ITV2 now are just crazy.

It’s one thing to have cameras follow round celebs, (although why on earth would anyone want to watch Kerry Katona and her car crash life?  Or Katie’s life with or without Peter?) at least these people are already in the public eye. Kerry was in Atomic Kitten (apparently she hasn’t always been a slurring mess) and Katie…er….was a glamour ‘model’.  What I can’t stand are the average Joes, who think they are interesting enough to be on my TV!

Everyone thinks they deserve to be on TV.  Maybe I wouldn’t mind as much, if the producers/directors or whoever sent these people out to get a few acting lessons under their belt. If they are going to appear on a scripted reality show (this phrase doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to me, as a show is either reality or scripted like a tv soap) then the acting show hide the fact its scripted. I hold my hands up and say I watch alot of crap, Underage and Pregnant, Food Network Challenge and I Used To Be Fat, so I’m assuming these reality shows are targeted towards me but as these ‘stars’ (I use that term loosely) are getting their own spin-off shows, doubling the amount of crap being aired, i’m not to happy.

It seems anyone who ticks any of the following are allowed a show:

  • Semi attractive
  • Has money to splash around
  • Is a glamour ‘model’
  • Owns a nightclub/salon/cloths shop
  • Loud
  • Most importantly of all is a drama queen ‘will tell it like it is’

The amount of shows are only set to increase folks.

*sigh*

My Top 10 Booze Rules

So I found this the other day…

You can tell whoever came up with these rules was male…a man who liked his beer cold and his shots strong! So I’ve decided to make a little list of my own, for the modern-day woman.

  1. Getting ready while drinking can be a dangerous game. Make sure you have, at least, finished your hair and nails before you finish your first glass.
  2. Drinking through a straw goes from sexy to sad very quickly. Remember this when you’re swaying on the dance floor trying to find the straw with your tongue.
  3. Beer belly aren’t sexy, so watch your cider/beer intake.
  4. Ensure everyone has used the loo before taking any obligatory loo pictures. (Boy have I got some stories!)
  5. If your going to mix your drinks…know your in for a MENTAL/early night from the beginning. Get mentally ready to carry or be carried home.
  6. Surround yourself with friends who WON’T let you snog the lad, that you think looks like a cross between Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt while they just take photos and laugh. (The pictures the next morning were shocking)
  7. NEVER EVER take off your heels. Feet seem to swell to double a normal human being size after wearing heels. You will have 2 options if you take them off: 1) Walk around bare foot while looking like a poster girl for the government’s Drink Responsible campaign. 2) Squeeze your swollen feet back into your shoes only to walk like a pregnant dinosaur for the rest of the night.
  8. Your phone is not your friend after you’ve had ‘a few’. No exception to this rule….just no.
  9. People are easily influenced while drunk and no good idea has ever come from a drunken mouth. Going to the only club in the city that is open to 4am because it’ll be easier getting home then finding a taxi at 2am? Not a good idea. Going to a house party after 3am after hitting a few too many bars? Not a good idea. Doing the inflatable challenge  in a bar because you think you can win the £50 bar prize? Not a good idea. Thinking you can get up on the bar and dance like in coyote Ugly? Not a good/legal idea.
  10. Know when its time to go home. If you’re telling the bar staff you can’t taste any vodka in your vodka energy drink, its time. If you’re telling the toilet attendant your life story, its time. If you’re legs turn into Bambi, its time. If things start to get a little soft focused, its time. If you’re dancing like a crazy person and people are taking pictures of you…heck you just carry on!

Remember, if you’re going to lose your dignity…bring someone down with you, don’t be the only one on Jagerbombs!

Different Types of People

Through my life, I have met a range of different characters. Some I keep in contact with, while others dotting out of my life as quickly as they came in. Looking at the sort of people I have met in past years, I have found common characteristics between some of them.

The first of which, are the ‘dramaramas’. This group consists of people who love to have real life soap dramas. Their world seems to be one life altering issue after another, while they love to be the talk of the town. They are at their happiest sharing their life struggle to any available ear. DO NOT BE FOOLED into thinking all that is needed are suitable solutions and basic logic, dramaramas know what they want and its drama. However, you can be promised that there will never be a dull moment with a dramarama about. Even uttering a dramarama’s name is enough to get a good old conversation going.

Next we have the ‘non-settlers’. These are the people who change their job or relationship status more times than you change your bed sheets. While you’re getting excited about your holiday, they are planning and 6month stint around South America. While you’re planning your mothers 50th birthday party, they are looking at hostels around Thailand. The idea of settling down has yet to occur to them. You secretly start to hate yourself as your life compared to theirs is dull, boring and routine.

The average ‘Joe and Joettes’ are the ‘norms’. They don’t live the rock and roll lifestyle and won’t be seen on the front pages of any newspapers. They keep their heads down and just get on with life. Although they may feel like their lives are dull in comparison to some of these groups, they are the key to keeping any friendship group alive. There is a limit to the amount of other characters which can enter a friendship group, whereas the Joes and Joettes are always welcome.

We also have the ‘high fliers’, these folk are the people you meet and just instantly know they will be in Forbes magazine in the next 5 years. They have the entrepreneurial spirit in their blood. These people have had meeting with Prime Ministers, CEOs and trustees, so whenever they have the time to fit you into their busy busy schedule your draw drops. They may always be glued to their Blackberry, but there going places, fast. Go climb aboard or get out of their way!

‘Weirdos’ are the people you meet and try to keep happy to stop any sort of midnight murdering spree. They appear to be average Joes and Joettes at the start but you quickly spot their true identity. They come out of nowhere and can be very tiresome. ALWAYS BE NICE TO THE WEIRDOS, you never know when they are going to snap.

The ‘watchdog’ group consists of people who are into the dodgy dealings. Their house is full of things which have ‘fallen out the back of a truck’ and are able to get you anything you have ever wanted cheaper than retail. However, these trucks don’t seem to have been headed towards known brand warehouses, so instead of ‘Nike’, ‘Prada’ and ‘Sony’ the watchdog group would be able to get you ‘Mike’, ‘Prado’ and ‘Sonny’.

These are just some of the characters I have come across in my time and I know that there is more to come.