My Top 10 Booze Rules

So I found this the other day…

You can tell whoever came up with these rules was male…a man who liked his beer cold and his shots strong! So I’ve decided to make a little list of my own, for the modern-day woman.

  1. Getting ready while drinking can be a dangerous game. Make sure you have, at least, finished your hair and nails before you finish your first glass.
  2. Drinking through a straw goes from sexy to sad very quickly. Remember this when you’re swaying on the dance floor trying to find the straw with your tongue.
  3. Beer belly aren’t sexy, so watch your cider/beer intake.
  4. Ensure everyone has used the loo before taking any obligatory loo pictures. (Boy have I got some stories!)
  5. If your going to mix your drinks…know your in for a MENTAL/early night from the beginning. Get mentally ready to carry or be carried home.
  6. Surround yourself with friends who WON’T let you snog the lad, that you think looks like a cross between Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt while they just take photos and laugh. (The pictures the next morning were shocking)
  7. NEVER EVER take off your heels. Feet seem to swell to double a normal human being size after wearing heels. You will have 2 options if you take them off: 1) Walk around bare foot while looking like a poster girl for the government’s Drink Responsible campaign. 2) Squeeze your swollen feet back into your shoes only to walk like a pregnant dinosaur for the rest of the night.
  8. Your phone is not your friend after you’ve had ‘a few’. No exception to this rule….just no.
  9. People are easily influenced while drunk and no good idea has ever come from a drunken mouth. Going to the only club in the city that is open to 4am because it’ll be easier getting home then finding a taxi at 2am? Not a good idea. Going to a house party after 3am after hitting a few too many bars? Not a good idea. Doing the inflatable challenge  in a bar because you think you can win the £50 bar prize? Not a good idea. Thinking you can get up on the bar and dance like in coyote Ugly? Not a good/legal idea.
  10. Know when its time to go home. If you’re telling the bar staff you can’t taste any vodka in your vodka energy drink, its time. If you’re telling the toilet attendant your life story, its time. If you’re legs turn into Bambi, its time. If things start to get a little soft focused, its time. If you’re dancing like a crazy person and people are taking pictures of you…heck you just carry on!

Remember, if you’re going to lose your dignity…bring someone down with you, don’t be the only one on Jagerbombs!

Different Types of People

Through my life, I have met a range of different characters. Some I keep in contact with, while others dotting out of my life as quickly as they came in. Looking at the sort of people I have met in past years, I have found common characteristics between some of them.

The first of which, are the ‘dramaramas’. This group consists of people who love to have real life soap dramas. Their world seems to be one life altering issue after another, while they love to be the talk of the town. They are at their happiest sharing their life struggle to any available ear. DO NOT BE FOOLED into thinking all that is needed are suitable solutions and basic logic, dramaramas know what they want and its drama. However, you can be promised that there will never be a dull moment with a dramarama about. Even uttering a dramarama’s name is enough to get a good old conversation going.

Next we have the ‘non-settlers’. These are the people who change their job or relationship status more times than you change your bed sheets. While you’re getting excited about your holiday, they are planning and 6month stint around South America. While you’re planning your mothers 50th birthday party, they are looking at hostels around Thailand. The idea of settling down has yet to occur to them. You secretly start to hate yourself as your life compared to theirs is dull, boring and routine.

The average ‘Joe and Joettes’ are the ‘norms’. They don’t live the rock and roll lifestyle and won’t be seen on the front pages of any newspapers. They keep their heads down and just get on with life. Although they may feel like their lives are dull in comparison to some of these groups, they are the key to keeping any friendship group alive. There is a limit to the amount of other characters which can enter a friendship group, whereas the Joes and Joettes are always welcome.

We also have the ‘high fliers’, these folk are the people you meet and just instantly know they will be in Forbes magazine in the next 5 years. They have the entrepreneurial spirit in their blood. These people have had meeting with Prime Ministers, CEOs and trustees, so whenever they have the time to fit you into their busy busy schedule your draw drops. They may always be glued to their Blackberry, but there going places, fast. Go climb aboard or get out of their way!

‘Weirdos’ are the people you meet and try to keep happy to stop any sort of midnight murdering spree. They appear to be average Joes and Joettes at the start but you quickly spot their true identity. They come out of nowhere and can be very tiresome. ALWAYS BE NICE TO THE WEIRDOS, you never know when they are going to snap.

The ‘watchdog’ group consists of people who are into the dodgy dealings. Their house is full of things which have ‘fallen out the back of a truck’ and are able to get you anything you have ever wanted cheaper than retail. However, these trucks don’t seem to have been headed towards known brand warehouses, so instead of ‘Nike’, ‘Prada’ and ‘Sony’ the watchdog group would be able to get you ‘Mike’, ‘Prado’ and ‘Sonny’.

These are just some of the characters I have come across in my time and I know that there is more to come.

When I Was A Little Girl

I saw this picture today and it got me thinking about what I wanted to do when I was little.

When I was a little girl, I had dreams. I had goals. I had planned out my whole life. Everything was going to be easy, I was going to be rich and my wedding was going to be the most talked about event ever.

While at primary school, I believed that I was going to be married by 23, have my first kid at 25 and be able to retire at the grand old age of 50…rich. All I knew was that I would be settled in a nice big house and be an actress come model come singer (none of this 9-5 office malarkey).

So here I am now, 22, with a Sports and Marketing degree under my belt, childless and single. I’m not a famous actress as I can’t remember  reams and reams of script, I’m not a model as im only 5’5 and im not a singer because my voice could make dogs howl. The 10year old me would consider my life now, a failure. The more (and i use this word loosely) mature version, is glad she doesn’t have to worry about mortgages, wedding funds, living in a good school area and the rest that goes with it. Although a large piece of me would love to retire at 50.

Many of my friends have kids and the odd few are engaged or married, although I am happy for all of them, I know that I can go out, get rat arsed and not be guilty the next day that I’ve spent the food/gas/car money. I don’t think settling down young is right for everybody, heck, I know it’s not right for me. Everyday when I spot a young mum shout at their daughter ‘Beyonce’ for calling their little brother a ‘c**t’, I’m grateful I wasn’t a teen mum, living in a highrise with 3 different baby daddies (That’s a post for another time).

The Diet Starts Today!

I have fallen off the healthy eating wagon one too many times! This time, as WordPress as my witness, I will stick to eating healthy and doing daily exercises!

I was so thin at university. Back when a few packets of crisps, squash and afew sweets could do you for the day. Now im chomping on PizzaHut while keeping an eye on the chips and fatty burgers in the oven! Long gone are the days when size 10s were loose and my abs could be seen due to lack of belly fat.

If I actually stick to a healthy eating plan, by Christmas I’ll be able to gorge like no mans business! Here’s to stuffing my face during christmas!

By BALOOCARTOONS.COM