My Top 10 Booze Rules

So I found this the other day…

You can tell whoever came up with these rules was male…a man who liked his beer cold and his shots strong! So I’ve decided to make a little list of my own, for the modern-day woman.

  1. Getting ready while drinking can be a dangerous game. Make sure you have, at least, finished your hair and nails before you finish your first glass.
  2. Drinking through a straw goes from sexy to sad very quickly. Remember this when you’re swaying on the dance floor trying to find the straw with your tongue.
  3. Beer belly aren’t sexy, so watch your cider/beer intake.
  4. Ensure everyone has used the loo before taking any obligatory loo pictures. (Boy have I got some stories!)
  5. If your going to mix your drinks…know your in for a MENTAL/early night from the beginning. Get mentally ready to carry or be carried home.
  6. Surround yourself with friends who WON’T let you snog the lad, that you think looks like a cross between Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt while they just take photos and laugh. (The pictures the next morning were shocking)
  7. NEVER EVER take off your heels. Feet seem to swell to double a normal human being size after wearing heels. You will have 2 options if you take them off: 1) Walk around bare foot while looking like a poster girl for the government’s Drink Responsible campaign. 2) Squeeze your swollen feet back into your shoes only to walk like a pregnant dinosaur for the rest of the night.
  8. Your phone is not your friend after you’ve had ‘a few’. No exception to this rule….just no.
  9. People are easily influenced while drunk and no good idea has ever come from a drunken mouth. Going to the only club in the city that is open to 4am because it’ll be easier getting home then finding a taxi at 2am? Not a good idea. Going to a house party after 3am after hitting a few too many bars? Not a good idea. Doing the inflatable challenge  in a bar because you think you can win the £50 bar prize? Not a good idea. Thinking you can get up on the bar and dance like in coyote Ugly? Not a good/legal idea.
  10. Know when its time to go home. If you’re telling the bar staff you can’t taste any vodka in your vodka energy drink, its time. If you’re telling the toilet attendant your life story, its time. If you’re legs turn into Bambi, its time. If things start to get a little soft focused, its time. If you’re dancing like a crazy person and people are taking pictures of you…heck you just carry on!

Remember, if you’re going to lose your dignity…bring someone down with you, don’t be the only one on Jagerbombs!

4 thoughts on “My Top 10 Booze Rules

  1. Pete Howorth says:

    In agreement with the drug texting, I’ve had no end of messages from some girl saying “I’m srry, I love you soooooo muccchhhh i dont want 2 fighttt xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox”

    Which would be great except they’re all to a guy named Jeff and I’ve never met this woman in my life, I tell her she has the wrong number the morning after and she apologizes, but then she texts me back at the weekend anyway. DELETE MY NUMBER YOU STUPID COW!


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