My (Belated) New Years Resolutions

It has been a little while since I last made a blog post…my bad! Thought I would share my New Years Resolutions.

  1. Be able to wear the same size clothes I did at the end university – This means PUTTING THE FORK DOWN and actually hitting the gym.
  2. Actually sticking to all these calorie counter programmes, not just mess with the numbers if I don’t like what they are saying.
  3. Trap Find a good bloke suitable of bf title – Male MUST have his own teeth, a job,driving license and have not served time under her majesties pleasure.
  4. Ring T-Mobile and change my contract – This doesn’t seem like a big one…but I’ve been putting it of for months, just letting the stupid network rip me off, highway
  5. Wear heels at least once a week – By spring, I should be good enough to walk without looking like I’ve got something stuffed up their.
  6. Learn to drive – Cancelled trains and busses brings out the crazy in people….me included.
  7. Start and finish the 30 EA Active challenge in 30 ACTUAL calendar days – 5th time is the charm!
  8. Book/plan a holiday to remember – fingers crossed I win the Euromillions and can go to Japan, Thailand, Australia, South Africa and the US.
  9. Drink wine like its juice  and Vodka orange like its water and regret nothing the following morning…unless it involves flashing….oh lord please let there be no flashing.

9 seems like a bit of a random number to end on… oh well, maybe I’ll be able to keep to all 9 this way! Wish my luck.

My Top 10 Booze Rules

So I found this the other day…

You can tell whoever came up with these rules was male…a man who liked his beer cold and his shots strong! So I’ve decided to make a little list of my own, for the modern-day woman.

  1. Getting ready while drinking can be a dangerous game. Make sure you have, at least, finished your hair and nails before you finish your first glass.
  2. Drinking through a straw goes from sexy to sad very quickly. Remember this when you’re swaying on the dance floor trying to find the straw with your tongue.
  3. Beer belly aren’t sexy, so watch your cider/beer intake.
  4. Ensure everyone has used the loo before taking any obligatory loo pictures. (Boy have I got some stories!)
  5. If your going to mix your drinks…know your in for a MENTAL/early night from the beginning. Get mentally ready to carry or be carried home.
  6. Surround yourself with friends who WON’T let you snog the lad, that you think looks like a cross between Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt while they just take photos and laugh. (The pictures the next morning were shocking)
  7. NEVER EVER take off your heels. Feet seem to swell to double a normal human being size after wearing heels. You will have 2 options if you take them off: 1) Walk around bare foot while looking like a poster girl for the government’s Drink Responsible campaign. 2) Squeeze your swollen feet back into your shoes only to walk like a pregnant dinosaur for the rest of the night.
  8. Your phone is not your friend after you’ve had ‘a few’. No exception to this rule….just no.
  9. People are easily influenced while drunk and no good idea has ever come from a drunken mouth. Going to the only club in the city that is open to 4am because it’ll be easier getting home then finding a taxi at 2am? Not a good idea. Going to a house party after 3am after hitting a few too many bars? Not a good idea. Doing the inflatable challenge  in a bar because you think you can win the £50 bar prize? Not a good idea. Thinking you can get up on the bar and dance like in coyote Ugly? Not a good/legal idea.
  10. Know when its time to go home. If you’re telling the bar staff you can’t taste any vodka in your vodka energy drink, its time. If you’re telling the toilet attendant your life story, its time. If you’re legs turn into Bambi, its time. If things start to get a little soft focused, its time. If you’re dancing like a crazy person and people are taking pictures of you…heck you just carry on!

Remember, if you’re going to lose your dignity…bring someone down with you, don’t be the only one on Jagerbombs!

Top 10 Ways To Ensure Hair & Soul Loss

  1. Attending the Jobcentre…for any reason what so ever!  The mixture of staff who think they know what they are talking about, local chavs, druggies and alchos and THE STUFFINESS of the place will take your soul in minutes. Only when you catch someones eye who looks to be in the same situation as you (actually looking for a job and not just wanting the money) do you realise that there may be life after this place and the hopes of getting out  with pieces of your soul intact are slightly increased. RULE – The jobcentre is not a place to meet new friends and catch up with people you only see every two weeks.
  2. Being stuck next to ‘a crazy’ on public transport. We’ve all been there, when were just chilling, waiting for your stop, maybe reading a book…when BAM, a crazy gets on. They are ‘all up in your business’ not taking the hints you have been giving out that you’re not interested. I’ve found that other members of the public, who aren’t on The Crazy’s radar will give each other a look. It’s a ‘oh no, not another crazy’ mixed with a ‘thank God they aren’t talking to me/trying to get my attention’. This horror mixed with satisfaction can be found on tubes, busses, trains and trams. Look out for one near you today. RULE – Never make any sort of eye contract with The Crazy or the person The Crazy has on radar.
  3. Having to slow your powerwalk/slow jog down to snail pace due to a slow walking woman in heels, who seems to have all the time in the world to get to her set destination, even though its 8.55 on a monday morning. I have nothing against women in heels as long as they can keep up with the pace of the person infront of them. If you can’t keep up, wear flats and change just before walking in! RULE – If there is a growing gap between you and the person infront…your moving to slow!
  4. Supermarkets on the weekend. Just no need to be that packed – simple as. We have online shopping, 24hour stores, mobile shopping and thousands of stores of the big 4 alone, so there is no need for it to be that packed. Yet during the weekend, people feel the need to bring out the whole family (nan and all), for a day trip around Asda. People feel the need to hover over the bread aisle…pondering which brand to get, wholemeal or white, thick or medium. Then said people, with 30 items in their basket, decide to go through the self check out, with vodka bottles and DVDs so the store assistant has to put in a zillion codes for them before they can proceed in scanning the next bottle of vodka. PERSONAL RULE – I can live without sweets in my house for 2 days. PUBLIC RULE – Online shop.
  5. Christmas shopping. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love the festive season,people are just much nicer during it. However, shopping for Christmas is a whole different kettle of fish. If tripping up an old lady means getting the last Number 7 Protect and Perfect bundle, then so be it. I’ve eyed people up holding the last product in stock, weighing up if they want to buy it and pouncing like a wild animal once they place it back on the shelf. Christmas shopping makes people go crazy and the longer you leave doing the big christmas shop the crazier you’ll end up being during it. RULE – If your diving for a pair of santa socks in Primark, you’ve left present buying too late.
  6. Sunday Evening. The weekend finally arrives after a long arse Monday through Friday. However, Saturday is just spent catching up on the sleep you missed over the week , then before you know it, BAM, its Sunday. You realise that you’ve wasted your weekend and already you’re trying to get into the mind-set for work the following day. Sunday become a pre-work day, you’re doing your washing, making your bed and getting clothes ready for the week. It makes the work week seem extra long. RULE – Enjoy Sunday, don’t think about Monday.
  7. Deciding what to wear.  The age-long issues, do you go stylish or do you make yourself comfortable? Heels or flats? blazer or knit jumper? The struggle in the morning when you try to find clothes which match is only made worse when you realise that your shoes may not go with the outfit or the weather just isn’t right for it. I’m just waiting for the day with the potato sack is in fashion, so finding what to wear wont be a big issue anymore. RULE – Find something and stick with it.
  8. Hair Products. I have spent a mini fortune on hair care products, which all claim to give me longer, thicker, healthier hair. Yet here I am with weak brittle hair, waiting for the miracle product to make it all better again. I can see why people have taken to making their own shampoo and conditioners, at least then you know, if it’s not making any sort of difference you can switch it up, without paying a hefty fee. If products had the truth about its contents on the bottle, I would have alot more money in the bank. RULE – Read reviews before buying.
  9. Getting a new job has to be one of the most stressful events ever. Gone are the days when employers would beg for you to join their company, oh how the tables have turned! With this current economic state, companies can, and do, ask for the best of the best. They should rename CVs and covering letters as Begging Documents. Just getting those seen by the right person is a victory in itself. Not coming across as desperate in the interview is the second victory. Not weeping like a small child if they offer you the position, is the final victory. RULE – Never stop applying, if you could apply in your sleep – do.
  10. Playing Monopoly has to be THE best way to ensure hair and soul loss. Coming from a monopoly lover, I have to put my hand up as say, the game is just never-ending! I know I am halfway through the game when someone is accused of stealing from the bank, which surprisingly happens every game. It seems to bring out the ‘dell boy’ side of people mixed with a hint of stubborn and Mr Burns evil. Which sounds funny, but when the game goes on for 4 hours, it takes its toll on people. RULE – Keep an eye on whoever is the bank.